The Duke-UNC 2008 Drinking Game

So, I Googled this to make sure I wasn't stepping on any toes, and it appears the only "Drinking game" version of this is ESPN U, and a drinking game at anything ESPN is only fun if Dana Jacobson oversees it.

Anyway, for the game, whenever it is, this is your guide to a good slosh-fest with your buddies.

Anytime, during the opening monologue, Dick Vitale's voice raises high enough to make you turn the volume down - two drinks

If and when a Duke player slaps the floor - one whiskey shot and then text your obligatory Duke friend "You guys are dorks"

Anytime Tyler Hansborough looks like a confused character from "The Blair Witch Project" - one swig (I didn't mention, you'll probably be drunk fairly quick)

Anytime an announcer calls one of the players "a real hard worker" or "a passionate player" - two swigs

If, at any point, the camera catches a hot girl in the flood of Cameron Crazies - down all bottles in house

Any mention of Greg Paulus being an All-American quarterback in high school - two shots of strongest liquor in house

Any flashback - two swigs

Any Ty Lawson injury mention - one swig

If, at any point, Dicky V argues that "both of these great programs deserves a top seed in this "townament"" - four shots

Any and all awkward two-handed strange, kinda sideways dunks by Hansbrough - four swigs

At any point, the following thought passes through your mind - "I'm almost positive I could take Kyle Singler one-on-one" - shotgun beer

If at any point, Wayne Ellington jumps into the crowd to save a ball, and a Crazzzzie slaps him in the face, which leads to a fight between Ellington and fan, meanwhile, Coach K heads to the UNC bench and tackles Roy Williams, as Wojo starts bitch-slapping Joe Holladay and Dicky V keeps screaming "Excitement All Night here is CAMMMMERRRRRRON" - stop drinking, join church, quit watching sports, life as you know it has peaked

If you have any suggestions, add 'em.