Phillip, Look Alive Buddy

If you've ever scanned the contents of this site (I'd first like to apologize for that), you know that I find it cheap and easy worthwhile to take jabs at Phil Mickelson for a lot of different reasons.

To set the record straight, I don't hate Phil. Hell, I remember the 2004 Masters, watching that amazing back-nine with my then-girlfriend and family in a house on Caddo Lake, cheering him on like Big Brown down the stretch. I was a Phil Phreak, pulling for him partly because he was a lefty, mostly because he was the lovable loser, that golfer that never could get over the edge (think about it - he lost majors to Payne Stewart and David Freaking Toms). The guy finished second or third eight times before breaking through in the '04 Masters.

The thing is, I grew up a little and realized that Mickelson was a little fake. That happy-go-lucky grin he sported wasn't one of goofy desperation, it was a permanent boob-job on his face. I started to lose my love and wasn't the only one. He just wasn't the people's guy anymore.

Well, it's May of 2008 and slowly, Phil has become a sideshow to the PGA Tour, not the extremely talented Robin he once was. Schmickey has won just twice in the last year compared to seven victories in the same period for Tiger, mediocre at best for a guy with talent like Mickelson.

He hasn't won a major since that disastrous, pitiful, Scott Hoch-style choke jobs to define all choke jobs double-bogey he made in the 2006 U.S. Open on the final hole. He has factored only once since then, but not really, with his fifth place this year at Augusta. He just isn't the headline anymore.

If Phil could find a way to win before Torrey Pines, it sure would make it more interesting. The media looked at the Open this year as a perfect spot for the two marquee names in golf to battle, a place both Tiger and Phil had won and know very well. With Tiger rehabbing and Phil looking very mediocre, we might be subjected to spell-checking another major winners name come June 15th. My plea - find your game Mr. Mickelson (and lose those Barclays shirts for all of us).

The Best Tiger Commercial

Just because you haven't seen the guy in a while, I thought a little Tiger Woods might help you remember what he looked like.

Rory Sabbatini Winning Might Be Best Thing for the Tour

I probably agree with everything you're thinking when you read the words "Rory Sabbatini," but the guy being successful might just be the best thing for the PGA Tour that is lacking a Joker to the Tiger Woods Batman.

Over the Tiger Dominance Tenure we've seen very few villains to the perfect, polished Tiger.

Fuzzy Zoeller was the bad guy after Tiger won the 1997 Masters with the racist comments about his potential Champions Dinner pick of collard greens.

Sergio Garcia was a mini-bad guy during the 1999 PGA Championship, one of the few tournaments ever that Tiger wasn't the favorite in the gallery.

Vijay Singh (and caddy) wore the cap (literally) in 2000 with the infamous "Tiger Who" during the Presidents Cup.

Of course, Phil Mickelson has always been the second fiddle, even commenting he was flying it by Tiger because of the inferior Nike equipment.

Anyway, Sabbatini is that bad guy, the one that doesn't just mind taking all the bad press, but embraces it. When he speaks up against Tiger, the media does a collective gasp, but at least it gives people (including me) something to write dogging Tiger that we don't normally say. Any rivalry is good for sports and this is pretty much the only one going on right now. Think about it - Rory is the only golfer on tour not riding Tiger's jock like the Texas Giant at Six Flags. As much as I love Tiger, it's a little refreshing.

Sabbatini won this tournament last year and even though he isn't having a stellar year by his standards (27th on the FedEx Cup list) once you win on a golf course you're pretty much comfortable at all times going back.

Five People that Won't Win this Week at Colonial

I've decided in golf, it's too damn hard to pick winners. You have all these guys and have to pick one to have a great week with some solid breaks and a little help from his competitors. With that said, I'm introducing my "Five Players that Won't Win This Week" section that I'll try to knock out on Tuesdays.

5. Chris DiMarco - Even though he seems like an authentic prick, DiMarco used to have some game and tends to play well in B-level tournaments. One he hasn't played well in - the Colonial. The Claw has only made the cut three times and has never finished better than 40th. Also, if you didn't already know this, he's a prick.

4. Bubba Watson - Oh come on, it's not that easy of a pick. I love Bubba Watson, think he's pretty goofy and is fun to watch and hits the ball a country mile, I just don't think he can win at a ball-shaping course like Colonial. His only start in Fort Worth he shot 65 the first round and followed it with a 77 to miss the cut. As Joe Morgan would say, consistent.

3. Kenny Perry - What a risky choice, you say? Yes, I know he finished second last week and yes, I know he's won twice on this golf course and finished runner-up another time. I'm aware he enjoys Colonial like celebrities enjoy commando, but that playoff loss last week is a tough one to bounce back from. I'm say, NO win for Kenny.

2. Geoff Ogilvy - Honest question - have you ever seen a Kangaroo in Texas? Exactly.

1. Anthony Kim - Have you noticed that the further down the list I've gone, the riskier I've become? I think Anthony Kim might be the third most talented golfer on tour, but don't think he wins again until the end of the year. Belt buckle-less people all around the nation rejoice together.

Seve Said he's Sick of Success

You know it isn't good when one of the best European Ryder Cup players ever is hoping that the Americans can notch a victory in the 2008 Ryder Cup so the thing isn't so damn boring.

Over at the Fanhouse they have the story, complete with a great quote.

"They need to win badly," said the five-time Major winner. "I hope the Americans win this year in all seriousness.

I find it very hard to believe that Seve really wants this to happen, but I can understand his point - hell, the Presidents Cup is more exciting than the Ryder Cup, which isn't good consider Mike Weir is involved.

I'm not trying to be an American homer, but I don't see this as complete European dominance, I just see it as their team has played better than ours at certain times the last few years. I think with the addition of people like Hunter Mahan and Zach Johnson you could see some young talent getting the team a little fired up. Oh, and we won't have Davis Love III there anymore, which isn't a horrible thing (third all time in matches lost, but Tiger is second, so, ya know...).

Anyway, mark this as the first of Ryder Cup trash talking - a really good European player is begging the Americans to win so people will be excited about it again.

Is Lorena Ochoa Serious?

I can try to sit here and be fair-minded, letting everyone know how much I think women's sports deserve just as much credit as the males do, but I'd be lying and I'm not particularly happy about that, it's just how I feel.

With that said, if Tiger Woods was on a run like Lorena Ochoa was right now, they would change "PTI" to "Tiger Discussion '08." Honestly, is anybody watching this? This girl has won six of her nine starts this season after taking home the Sybase Classic yesterday.

On the heels of Annika Sorenstam announcing her intention of retiring after this season, Ochoa showed why it isn't a bad time to be getting out of the game. Sorenstam was in contention at times this week but finished a disappointing tie for 11th, with all but one competitor that beat her being younger than Annika.

I think it's tough at times to hang them up when you've still got it, but Ochoa is that writing on the wall for Sorenstam and this weekend was a great example of that.

Usually You Wait Until After You Win to Jump in the Lake

Most everyone has seen the video of Woody Austin falling in the pond at the Presidents Cup last year, which was funny until everyone took it too far and started calling him Aquaman.

Some guy named Richard Finch did a similar thing yesterday at the Irish Open on his way to winning the damn tournament. As cold as it looks in some of these pictures and videos, I'd probably walk off after falling in and this guy wins the damn thing.

(Also, some really random background noise so maybe just watch it and avoid listening to it)