Even Famous Bands Shouldn't Pee On the Old Course

If you haven't heard of the band Kings of Leon, who rock it out with "Sex on Fire" and "Use Somebody," you probably listen to shitty music. That said, one thing you should know about Kings of Leon is that when visiting the Old Course in St. Andrews, the most famous golf course in the world, the band enjoys taking a piss on the links.

The band arrived in St. Andrews and though it doesn't say it, was most likely staying at the Old Course Hotel on the 17th hole. The band admitted that after the hotel gave them beer and hooked up the Oklahoma Sooners football game, their favorite team, the bathroom was too far for them to walk. So, they did what any normal person would do -- they went outside and pissed on the Road Hole, the most famous hole in the entire world.

But the bathrooms were three floors away and the game was really exciting so we went outside and peed on the world famous St Andrews golf course.

“It was on the 17th fairway. Though we stayed in the rough at all times, we’re very sorry.”

Well, that sure was nice of them to stay in the rough, since the fairway on the Road Hole is about 5 feet wide in just about all parts. Most likely they were hanging out around the Jigger Inn, and I'm sure they weren't the first people to stumble out of the famous little pub and let loose on the grass.

I worked in St. Andrews and unlike Augusta National or Pine Valley over here, the Old Course is basically a glorified park. Hell, they even close the whole thing on Sundays to let the course rest and people can go out and have cookouts around the grounds.

No worries Kings Of Leon, I will still download your stuff, especially if you can get some sort of "pee" reference on your next track.

Love to Golf Girl's Diary

Hilarious photoshop job courtesy of The Sun

Even I'll Admit, Some Golf Rules Are Stupid

In case you missed it, Martin Laird and Bart Bryant were in a little bit of a rule fiasco yesterday at the BMW Championship. Because I don't feel like typing it all, here is the situation.

Laird's tee shot on the par 3 landed on the fringe and rolled to 3 feet. Bryant's shot came up just short in the rough, some 50 feet from the flag. As they approached the green, Laird noticed the pitch mark left by his tee shot and went to tamp it down. ``I said, 'Is this in your line?''' Laird said after a long and troublesome day. As the rookie from Scotland punched down the grass with his club, Bryant told him that indeed, it was in his line between the ball and the flag. It did not affect the shot because Bryant's play was to chip well over the mark.

No matter.

Slugger White, the PGA Tour's vice president of rules and competition, said a decision related to Rule 1-2 does not allow Laird to improve a competitor's line. That ordinarily would be a two-shot penalty — disqualification in this case, because Laird already had signed his card — but he was not penalized because the USGA deemed that he did not intend to help Bryant. Bryant did not get off so easily. He was guilty of Rule 13-2, which covers improve the lie, area of intended swing or stance or line of play. The rules says a player cannot improve the line ``or allow'' it to be improved.

By agreeing that the mark was in his line — a simple ``Yes'' was all it took — Bryant was assessed two shots. That turned a bogey into a triple bogey, turning a 66 into a 68.

This is why golf rules are so ridiculous. The improvement didn't even help out the other player!!! It would be like in baseball, if a player bunted, go thrown out and then as he walked to the dugout the catcher ran over and tagged him a second time just to make sure.

Bryant answered in class that defines who he is, but you can tell he wasn't really excited about it.

Asked if he should have been penalized, he replied, ``Yes, because I broke the rules.''

``I didn't knowingly break the rule,'' he said with a gentle smile. ``I didn't even know that rule.''

Anytime I hear something about the rules of golf affecting someone for no particular reason, I'm taken back to the Rick Reilly article about the golfer that got disqualified for having one of his son's golf clubs in his bag. I actually met Doc Graves, the culprit to this ridiculousness, at a golf tournament in Tucson and rode around with the man for a few holes. When he told me he was the famous official known as a "fool" by most, it appeared to me that some really do live by the mantra "rules are rules."

I guess sometimes that USGA rule book is too thick to see over all the bullshit.

Lessons In Impressive Question Asking

If ever given the opportunity to question a star athlete or coach, here are some pointers.

-Anything concerning how they "feel" or what this "means" are golden.
-Attempting to get them to "explain what this moment is like" is sure to get you a promotion.
-Asking if anything "less than a win" will be good enough will make the interviewee very happy.

Cue Paul Azinger, who was asked at Oakland Hills this week if anything less than a win for this year's American Ryder Cup would be alright.

At his press conference at the PGA Championship at Oakland Hills on Wednesday, Azinger was asked if only a victory would suffice, and twice responded with a defiant, "What do you think?"

"Next question," Azinger said, thwarting the befuddled questioner.

Sadly we don't have the person's name that asked this, but here is a little piece from my tiny little brain for you, free of charge. When two people or teams are involved, normally finishing in second isn't what you're going for.

Again, maybe just my way of looking at it, but second place when there are just two teams isn't exactly front row on your trophy stand.

Phil Mickelson Continues to Not Be Technical At All About Golf

My uncle has a pretty funny story about once seeing Phil Mickelson at a bar in Tempe during his college days passed out in the corner with his friends. This isn't to defame his image, everyone drank and passed out and probably peed in a bed or two during college (blushes).

The reason I'm bringing this up is because Mickelson actually won a PGA Tour event as a college student, the 1991 Northern Telecom Open. I just wonder how crazy he was about numbers those days or if he just went out and tried to hit it as close as possible on every hole.

All of this is raised because of what I just read about everyone's favorite Lefty (Except Canadians).

Phil Mickelson and his short-game guru, Dave Pelz, work with a software program that analyzes tour statistics and applies them to various top venues.

The Left-handed professor offered an example of the wonders revealed by the program — and closed with a pop quiz.

"If you increase any statistical category across the board, it lowers scores," Mickelson explained. "OK, 10 percent fewer putts, 10 percent more greens, 10 percent closer to the hole, 10 percent more fairways — every one lowers scores except longer driving distance."

Warming to the subject, he added, "There's one golf course in America where 10 percent longer driving equates to lower scores. What would you think it would be?"

After a pregnant pause, he smiled and said, "Augusta National."

How hard are the guys that created this software laughing to the bank? This hard?

What person with even a scosh of common sense couldn't figure out that 10 percent fewer putts would lower your score?

"Well Phil, here is your word problem. Chez Reavie plays 36 holes at Troon North. The first 18 he has 30 putts, the second 18 he has 28 putts. Based solely on the information given, which round would produce a lower score?"

Am I missing something?

Did You Know John Daly Sells Wine?

It's a slow Monday in the wonderful world of golf, and I was tooling around on the web, I came across this tidbit -- John Daly sells wine.

There really are too many cheap jokes to be made on this, but honestly, when is the last time Daly sat down for a nice bottle of Shiraz?

Maybe my favorite part of the Daly wine is it's affordable -- $11 a bottle. Payment for damaged hotel room after consuming 10 bottles -- priceless.

If John Daly can sell wine, I honestly think I can be a movie star. Producers and directors, my email is in the top right of this page. I do an amazing Stuart Little.

What is Kim Thinking?

If you're not watching the Canadian Open right now, you're missing out, because leader Chez Reavie is hitting fairways, greens, and making pars to secure his lead and Anthony Kim is BOMBING drives down the middle of the fairway and hitting his short irons like Alan Shepard.

For some reason, and it might be nerves or something, but Kim can't hit anything close to the hole. For some reason, he decided to hit 6-iron from 160 yards on 17, yanking in badly and putting himself in position for a tough par. It's pretty crazy that he, one of the longest hitters in the field, would hit such a big club from such a short distance after playing risky and hitting driver off the tee.

I don't know, maybe he got it confused with a 9-iron? That's my only explanation.