Man Tries to Impersonate Happy Gilmore, Becomes Worst Person Ever

I nearly didn't write this story because it is so ridiculous and sad, but I figured I'd allow you all to produce some extra hate on this Friday afternoon.

A 20-year-old by the name of Samuel Mulley hit a 5-year-old in the throat with a driver, later pleading that he was impersonating "Happy Gilmore" by doing so. Just in case you were wondering, Mulley is currently in jail for two years, thank the lord.

Details ...

Mulley had been drinking for 24 hours, taken ecstasy and LSD and was smashing a parked car with a club when he came across Mr Channells and his two sons as they walked out of the driving range’s clubhouse.

 Mr Channels said Mulley swung the driver at Blake without warning, hitting him in the jaw and throat.

Umm, is there deleted scenes of "Happy Gilmore" where Adam Sandler acts like a deranged lunatic, because if so, I missed them.

A few things here ...

-- Drugs are bad. They are. And they make you do dumb shit that gets you in jail for two years which probably should be longer since you nearly killed someone because you are a complete moron.

-- Movies are movies for a reason. Also in that movie, Happy hits a drive 400-yards that hits a girl in the head, forcing her to fall forward out of a window and into a bush. Yeah, it's not real life.

-- I'm never really a big "eye for an eye" guy, but shouldn't the dad of this kid be allowed a few swings on Mr. Mulley like he's a piñata? Is there anyone that would protest this?

The report doesn't mention the state of the 5-year-old, but here's hoping he's okay, and man, how much do you hate this guy that you just learned about 25 seconds ago?