Why the Hell Would He?

The fact that I'm even writing about this makes me a click whore, but whatever. Supposedly Jessica Simpson has decided to take up golf, because, well, why wouldn't she?

No, the real reason is because she wants to learn the game so she can spend more time with Tony Romo, which I'm sure he is thrilled about because nothing says an enjoyable 18 holes like having your obnoxiously famous girlfriend whiffing off the tee as your buddies makes jokes in the background?

That isn't really the news (well, besides the fact that Simpson said golf would help her get in shape). The real news is that Simpson asked Tiger Woods for golf lessons, but Woods declined, citing Charlie Axel as the reason.

A source tells In Touch Weekly: “Jessica is taking it seriously. She even asked if Tiger Woods would give her some pointers, but he’s been busy with his new baby.”

I'd like to clarify something for everyone that is reading this -- no way Tiger really isn't giving her lessons because of the baby. The real reason is he probably has one or two more important things to do than to sit behind some model kid with zero brains and try to instruct her like he's Kevin Costner and she's Reno Russo. The fact that Jessica even asked Tiger pisses me off. Is there any famous person left in this world that doesn't believe the world revolves around them?

Also, I'd like to point this out to all the ladies reading. If you are attempting to take up golf for your boyfriend because you think "he wants to spend more time together," don't. Guys go to the golf course to drink some beers, hit some golf shots and relax.

Oh, and if the first thing you do to get set up with the game of golf is buy a $8,400 Louis Vuitton golf bag like Simpson did, you seriously should just off yourself. It would make everything better in the long run.