I've had this conversation with just about everyone I know that equally loves golf, but Golf Channel broadcaster Kelly Tilghman sucks. I mean, she really, really sucks.
I watch her broadcasting these tournaments and sometimes daydream of what I'd rather hear over her voice. Here are some of my favorite conclusions:
-Freddy Kruger "nails on the chalkboard" while a baby is crying and a lady is going over the "safety procedures of the Boeing 747"
-William Hung and Mike Ditka singing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" as a duet
-The book-on-tape of "Confessions of an Heiress"
-Anytime Emmitt Smith talks
Today alone, Tilghman (Even the spelling her name pisses me off) said the following during the 30 minutes I watched during my lunch break.
(during a blimp shot of the golf course and desert, as they cut to a shot of Jonathan Byrd) "Somewhere out there the coyote is chasing the roadrunner, and we have our own Byrd right here."
"Is this a tougher putt than that of (Arron) Oberholser?" -When discussing a two-footer for par of Tiger Woods
"Yesssssssssssssssss" -after Tiger tapped in the two-footer (sigh)
"Vijay has never made it past the second round in this even so this is the makings of a special week." (Um, yeah, Vijay will probably remember getting past the second round of a tournament for the rest of his life)
Remember, this was 30 minutes of her. If my lunch break was two hours I'd be posting this blog in my own blood.
Kelly, do me a favor - make a racist or crude comment on purpose so we can get you suspended for a couple of more weeks. Please?
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