Man Tries to Impersonate Happy Gilmore, Becomes Worst Person Ever

I nearly didn't write this story because it is so ridiculous and sad, but I figured I'd allow you all to produce some extra hate on this Friday afternoon.

A 20-year-old by the name of Samuel Mulley hit a 5-year-old in the throat with a driver, later pleading that he was impersonating "Happy Gilmore" by doing so. Just in case you were wondering, Mulley is currently in jail for two years, thank the lord.

Details ...

Mulley had been drinking for 24 hours, taken ecstasy and LSD and was smashing a parked car with a club when he came across Mr Channells and his two sons as they walked out of the driving range’s clubhouse.

 Mr Channels said Mulley swung the driver at Blake without warning, hitting him in the jaw and throat.

Umm, is there deleted scenes of "Happy Gilmore" where Adam Sandler acts like a deranged lunatic, because if so, I missed them.

A few things here ...

-- Drugs are bad. They are. And they make you do dumb shit that gets you in jail for two years which probably should be longer since you nearly killed someone because you are a complete moron.

-- Movies are movies for a reason. Also in that movie, Happy hits a drive 400-yards that hits a girl in the head, forcing her to fall forward out of a window and into a bush. Yeah, it's not real life.

-- I'm never really a big "eye for an eye" guy, but shouldn't the dad of this kid be allowed a few swings on Mr. Mulley like he's a piñata? Is there anyone that would protest this?

The report doesn't mention the state of the 5-year-old, but here's hoping he's okay, and man, how much do you hate this guy that you just learned about 25 seconds ago?

Of Course Bubba Played With Bieber

Wouldn't you have loved to be a fly in that golf cart? What in the WORLD would these two have had to talk about? Awwwkward.

via @bubbawatson

Sophie Gustafson Wins 2011

You know what is tougher than playing for your country? Trying to speak in front of people when you can't get the words out. That's Sophie Gustafson, who has always taken to the shadows so she didn't have to deal with the fact that she had a stutter. No more for Sophie, who took it head on, and killed it. This took a ton of courage, and I think we can all be proud of Sophie for doing it.

The Airlines Are Not Big Fans of Lee Janzen

Well, at least they weren't the other day. These photos, courtesy of GolfWRX, show what happens when a golf bag gets dragged behind a luggage cart, especially a bag of a PGA Tour professional and former major winner.

The clubs are ruined, but at least they have that cool "just dragged" finish to them.

Check out the rest of the photos over at GolfWRX.

Tiger Woods Announces New Caddie In Most Tiger Woods Way Possible

Sometimes I'll complete a post about Tiger Woods, read over it, and feel a little bad. Not really because of what I actually said (I believe all that I write over here), but more the impression that it gives off. I'm not a Tiger hater by any means, but I know sometimes it comes off that way.

With that said, I'd like to let you all know, I won't feel bad about this. Sunday marked one of the most dramatic days of golf that I can remember. Honestly, help me think of a time that this many cool things happened in one day? It started with a Solheim Cup that golf fans won't soon forget. Sure, it's easy this time of year to forget about women's golf, but this tournament wouldn't let you. It kept giving us moment after moment, starting with a questionable rooking making a splash on the first day, and ending with the Europeans basically saying "We will not let you take this Cup home again," and snatching bag Solheim as the Americans had five fingers wrapped around it. I'm on a semi-vacation, and couldn't help but stay in the hotel and watch the action. It was that good.

Then came the FedEx Cup, an event that I've never loved that much, but proved it's weight in gold (literally, $10 million of it) this Sunday when two guys that hadn't won a tournament all season were in a playoff for eight figures. No, Haas-Mahan isn't really The Duel in the Sun, but when Haas hit that second shot out of the water to save par on the second playoff hole, the entire sports world stopped for a second to regain their composure (it was so good that I simply tweeted "Wow" and had multiple people retweet those three simple characters).

But what stole the headlines in the golf world? Tiger Woods, announcing that he has found his new caddie, and that would be Joe LaCava, the man that Dustin Johnson had hired this year after LaCava and Fred Couples ended a lengthy relationship.

Understand this; I'm not mad that Tiger went out and got a caddie that was already working with another top-notched player. Sure, Johnson's camp said they were surprised by the announcement, but that's the meat and potatoes of this business. Good caddies are few and far between and if you can find one you think will improve you as a golfer, you offer him whatever you can to get him in your camp.

No, none of that bothers me, it's the fact that all this stuff was "leaked" on such a great golfing day. Face it, Tiger can steal golf headlines away from anything. He's that big. But this Sunday didn't belong to Tiger. It belonged to Suzann Pettersen and Catriona Matthew, Bill and Jay Haas. This was a day that golf actually happened, and during the NFL season, if golf steals viewers, that's a big deal, but it didn't matter to Camp Tiger because he had something to say and he understands that his voice is a 24-point font when everyone else in golf is working with 12. It's the biggest problem with Woods to me and it will continue to bother me.

Getty Images

Video: Bill Haas' Second Shot in Playoff Was Wet

No, I don't mean it was submerged in water, I mean the "wet" like when Ray Allen shoots a three-pointer from the corner, or Tom Brady lets one of those 45-yard bombs leave his hand. Those things are wet and so was FedEx Cup champion Bill Haas when he flipped his second shot on the second playoff hole to a couple of feet from the pond.

Enough of me talking .. just watch the video, courtesy of Devil Ball.

John Daly Seemed Happy

John Daly withdrew this past weekend at the Austrian Open. Why? Because he got in a little tiff with a rules official about a drop. Since you've read stories that start, "John Daly withdraws ..." about 300 times, I figured I'd just drop in the video, courtesy of ESPN.

Enjoy!


Other top golf stories ...
Video: Bill Haas hits unbelievable shot out of water to win FedEx Cup
Tiger Woods announces new caddie in most Tiger Woods way possible