Getting to Know Your 2009 Q-School Attendees

Starting Wednesday, 170 elite golfers will be playing the final stage of the PGA Tour's Qualifying School, arguably the most grueling and mind-screwing act in sports. These guys will be trying to earn their PGA Tour cards for 2010 by finishing in the low-25 and ties at Bear Lakes Country Club in West Palm Beach, Florida. Here is a list of all the golfers involved, including some facts about a few of the golfers. If you know something about any of them and want to add it, drop it in the comments, and I'll fill it in with a credit to you. Read all about the players, after the jump.

Wanda Sykes FTW

Listen ... the rumor mill on this Tiger Woods thing has gone, can we say, off the chain, so leave it to one comedian to actually go after this and make it fairly entertaining.

Wanda Sykes, who I usually laugh at about as much as sick babies, took the opportunity to bash Tiger's window out (Get it?!) on her talk show, and I'll even admit, the first 3:08 of this is downright LOL-worthy.

Hey, someone had to do it.



h/t Ufford

And Tiger Continues to Befuddle Everyone

When my sister got married a few years back, and I was just coming off a freshman year at the University of Arizona that allowed me the opportunity to think I knew way more than I really did, my dad approached me before the ceremony. He simply told me, "Shane, this is your sister's day. Let her have it."

It was basically a warning against doing anything that might take away from her glory, and it was well received. I knew when to shut the hell up.

This Tiger Woods situation is the complete opposite. There is zero reason to be quiet. There isn't anything good coming from Tiger pushing mute on his camp, and it has started to become as strange a decision as if Woods came clean to doing juice just because he felt guilty about it. That wouldn't add up, and this doesn't either.

I'm joining the ranks of people that are crying (begging!) for Tiger to just let us in a little on what the hell went on with this. He's our idol. He's our pilot. He's the closest thing to a god sports has ever seen, and yet when something bad happens, silence is his go to.

Trust me, from a writer/blogger standpoint, hearing Tiger answer questions about golf with that "here is my answer, with absolutely no meat and potatoes involved," gets old, but we've come to expect it. It's what Tiger does. This is different. The public cares. I don't really know why we care, but we do. It's the reason reason why I, sadly enough, enjoy reading gossip websites. For some reason, dirt on celebrities is interesting. It's newsworthy. It's the cross the rich, beautiful, famous have to bear.

Of all people, Tiger should understand this. He's Mensa-smart. He understands what is acceptable and what isn't. We don't care if something bad happened, but we do care that everyone is trying to hide it from us.

Like I said on Sunday, we all make mistakes. People close to me have made them. I've made them. Ohhh, have I made them. It doesn't make me a terrible person, and it doesn't make my friends bad either. We are humans. Life is supposed to work that way. What the human culture doesn't like is the refusal to admit fault. "No, I swear to God I didn't do that." Well, yes you did, so come clean and we will be quicker to forgive.

(I'm sure this story will become more and more weird, so I'm sure more posts are to come, but if someone has anything (ANYTHING) non-Tiger related I can post, please send me the link. I'm dying to write something else.)

What All This Tiger Woods Stuff Tells Us About Our World Today

Like Tiger Woods, I've sat back these last few days and waited. I waited for something to come up and make sense of all this nearly unbelievable happenings with our near-perfect superstar and face of the golf generation today. But nothing did. Nobody said anything, his camp stayed quiet (like they've always been instructed to) and our minds began to wonder.

We came up with crazy conspiracies. We added TMZ to our Google Readers. We wanted to know exactly how one of the most gifted athletes in the history of the world couldn't keep his car on the road when he was barely moving.

The first thing that popped in our head when we heard about the 2:30 AM wreck was simple ... he was drunk, hammered, and sloshed. No way someone gets in an accident, in their own neighborhood if they weren't downright shitfaced. That doesn't add up. But the cops told us he wasn't and we believed them. Kinda.

That was fishy. Then the story went downright Nemo on us. Elin knocked out the back window with a golf club instead of just opening his car door? They were fighting? Who the hell is this Rachel Uchitel lady? How does any of this make sense?

With more details sure to come, the story will either go in favor of Tiger or absolutely not, and if that is the case the once polished golfer will forever be tainted as a cheater or a liar or something negative we never wanted with Woods. Tiger was the one guy we loved to love because he was so goddamn perfect. Perfect smile, perfect swing, perfect speech, perfect family ... he cried in his father's arms after his first Masters victory in 1997 and cried after his father passed. He always had that bombshell of a wife near the 18th green to hug and kiss and pose with. Geez, even his kids are adorable.

But it's true we don't know a lot about Tiger. Nobody really does. He hangs out on "Privacy" and gambles with Michael Jordan and is buddies with Charles Barkley and Peyton Manning. But what do we really know about the guy? That he doesn't reveal much about his personal life? That he knows how to win in just about every walk of life? That he married a twin? These things aren't personal facts. This is stuff you can find on a Wikipedia page.

What this has proven is no matter who you are, the skeletons will be tossed out of the closet at some point. If you're a random guy like myself, Facebook and MySpace and Twitter are places that your secrets can be brought up. If you are a public figure like Tiger, it's incidents like this. One little accident has made everything we knew about Woods completely and utterly changed.

We like to assume the worst in people these days, and for Tiger that is no different. People think he juiced because he works out hard and got bigger. People think he's a jerk because he doesn't reveal a lot in interviews. People think he's cold because he wants to win and that's it. We don't really know any of these things, but we assume them and are happy to chat about it.

Maybe it was a domestic dispute over some personal stuff, and Elin flipped out at Tiger and they got in a fight. Trust me, I've been there. Relationships cause riffs. People argue and get pissed and sometimes do stuff they wish they hadn't. Tiger might have been taking the high road by leaving, and Elin couldn't handle it. The thing is, nobody knows, and we probably will never know. The Woods camp has been guarded about simple things for far too long to let something this serious leak.

The thing is, our superstar finally revealed he is human. We just don't really know why yet.

ADRIAN DENNIS, AFP

Happy Thanksgiving

First, it's already Thanksgiving? What the hell happened to 2009? Thanks a lot, '09. This is what it feels like to be older.

Anyway, a Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Just a few thoughts from the golf world on things I'm thankful for ...

I'm thankful for drives that never leave your line, good lies in the rough and putts that lip in. I'm thankful for sandys, hot cart girls at cheap golf courses and free range balls ... having your favorite yardage (mine is 103) when the green is surrounded by trouble, hitting par-5s in two and finishing the eagle putt. Thanks for crisp 4-irons, bunker saves and post-round beers with buddies. I'm thankful for the opportunity to play 18 holes with my dad and my uncle in the same foursome, and I'm thankful for anytime my buddies and I get to hit the links in the afternoon to pack in as many holes as Mother Nature will allot us. Gracias for brand new Pro V1 X's, tacky grips and mishitting a shot that turns out alright. I couldn't be more thankful for the opportunity to live in a place where I can golf year-round, for how pristine the fairways at Troon North are and par saves when you short-side yourself. I'm thankful when my mom comes out and watches me play, and no matter what I finish with, she says I played well. I'm thankful for the photo that lead this article, and the opportunity to hopefully teach my nephews how to play this crazy game that we love.

Also, I'm thankful for this site. I'm thankful I get a chance to write about golf and for some reason, people read it. So, thanks.

I hope everyone has a Happy Turkey Day. Eat a lot (oh, and thankful for Danielle Ate the Sandwich ... awesome).

Why You Should Never Gamble Against a Stranger

Unlike most any sports, nobody can ever figure out ones ability to play this game by looking at a person. It's impossible, just think if you saw Duffy Waldorf or Craig Parry walking up to shake your hand on the first tee. The words "simpleton" would probably stroll out of your mouth as you said your name and rolled your eyes at having been paired with another hack.

But that is the crazy thing. Nobody can judge ability. It isn't like basketball, where you can see a guy 6-foot-7 walk in the gym and imagine he is going to be good at some level (Hell, Shawn Bradley played in the NBA and had the hand-eye coordination of Helen Keller). If a 6-foot-3, completely cut up guy steps foot on the gridiron, he is probably going to be better than you. Golf ... all cover judging is out the window.

This is why you should never gamble against a guy in golf that you don't know (or have never heard of). It is a bad idea. A very, very bad idea for a number of reasons.

First, the person that suggests the wager is usually confident enough in his own game to toss out such an idea. He isn't bringing this up because he thinks he's going to lose. Nobody likes to lose to strangers. It's like when people crash a college party and insist they're next on beer pong, and you're the host. "Who the f--- are these guys," you wonder, and your only goal of the night has just become making them look foolish before you kick them out.

Second, it takes the fun out of the round. If you're out recreationally, you probably aren't used to gambling on the course. So, when Johnny Stranger is asking you to clean up that three-footer, you probably are going to be as nervous as you've ever been on the course, and the fun level just went down (especially when you miss the short putt).

Third, who knows the character of your playing companion. He might drag you along for a few holes, giving you hope and a chance before he actually starts playing. He might sandbag. He might let you win. He might be baiting you the entire time. No matter if he carries a 1-iron and has squinty eyes, the stranger could have game for days and just be finding other ways to convince you to give him money. Remember, when smart men step on golf courses, the 'ol IQ drops about 70 points, and this is no different. You could think a lot of things, including, "Man, I could really beat this guy," before he asks to up the bet on the back side and puts together a nice little 33.

My suggestions for gambling with a stranger, if you must.

-- Make the cheddar under $20 total (like a $5 Nassau), or drinks after. Those are simple enough and if the drinks are included, at least gives you the chance to chum up to the guy in hopes that he enjoyable enough for a post-round brewski.

-- If you don't feel comfortable doing it, declining the bet is far from demoralizing. Nobody is going to dog your manhood if you don't want to bet, and if this guy gets his rocks off by taking money from inferior talent, he'll have to wait another day.

-- If you know you are going to fold under pressure, avoid the handshake. Just don't do it. You're there to have some fun.

-- Fudge your handicap. He is. You should too.

Another Caddie Week in the Books

It’s a stupid f-ing game, this one we continually play. Hit a white ball, chase it, hope to find it in a good lie on grass that is groomed, but groomed with human error.

We stand over putts thinking we know what is going on, but not really knowing anything. It looks like it should go left but something in the cosmos takes it right. It appears to be slow but a river 11 miles away keeps it rolling fast. It’s a game of guesses, not misses, yet we continually think this iron or that infomercial has fixed our problems.

This week, at the LPGA Tour Championship, I got to see first hand the highs and lows of professional golf. See, a friend of mine happens to be a tour player, and called me to caddie for the second time this year, apparently in desperate need of a caddie that talks too much at the wrong times and isn’t that great at reading greens.