My Open Invitation for a Spot on "The Big Break: Disney"

That's right. I'm putting myself out there. Like Bill Simmons did with the Milwaukee Bucks and Spencer Pratt did with that "I'm a Celebrity So Hear Me Yell Really Loud" television show, I'm ready.

What spawned this? Well, Andrew Giuliani is on it, and I am not a huge fan of Mr. Giuliani because he seems like a word that rhymes with frouche. If he wins "The Big Break" he will get a spot in a PGA Tour tournament, which makes me a little frustrated.

How else to stop the man from obtaining his goal than to compete against him on this very television show?

I have to admit -- I've watched about 11 seconds of "The Big Break" in my life, and most of that was to see how attractive Blair O'Neil was. That doesn't matter. I once nearly found myself on a reality television show where they tape random strangers getting drunk, so I think I'm qualified. If that isn't enough, here are some other highlights.

-- Once won a Texas Junior Golf Tour tournament by shooting a 78 (And, for some unknown reason, still have the winning scoreboard on the back of my door at my parent's home in Texas)

-- Won straightest driver at the Purdue Golf Camp in 2000 (I fear the gay jokes are coming)

-- I once shot a 62

-- I have a pig headcover for my driver

-- I am the golf editor at FanHouse, so that makes me fairly golf qualified

-- I'm really good at driving golf carts while talking and drinking beer

-- I used to caddie at the Old Course in St. Andrews

-- I did not sue a top-tier university because they kicked me off the golf team

So, there you have it, Golf Channel. I'm ready for the call, so if you need someone to help boost your ratings AND not let Giuliani win, you've got your man.

Gauntlet, meet the ground.