Masters Recap

Where to start? My favorite weekend of the year is done, I'm sitting at home ordering italian in and still watching the highlights on Golf Channel. The best way to do this, in fashion, is to pick the winners and losers of the weekend.

WINNERS

Augusta National - The course didn't get water and finally kicked the asses of all the best golfers in the world. The highest winning score in 51 years, and that was after a heroic final round by my next winner,...

Zach Johnson - Since 2000, probably the third biggest surprise winner in a major behind Todd Hamilton and Ben Curtis. He played hard in the final round and didn't let the back nine pressure get to him. If this isn't a feel good story for golf, nothing really will be.

Jesus I'm pretty sure I heard Johnson thank him somewhere around the 20 times mark. Also, it's the anniversary of when he beat the heck out of death, so that has to give him reason to celebrate.

Any kid playing mini-tour golf - Johnson is exactly the reason that men still grind it out on the Weebox Tour, hoping that they can figure it out and keep moving up in the wonderful world of golf.

Number 12 - I know I already mentioned the golf course itself, but this hole needs solo acclaim. No par three in the WORLD gives people more trouble than this one. Tiger, Appleby, Couples, Vijah...you name it, they struggled.

LOSERS

Long hitters - Johnson averaged 265 yards off the tee, 57th in the field. Umm, isn't long Augusta supposed to eliminate the short hitters?

Tiger Woods - I know, i know, he finished second, and I would never knock anybody (even Tiger) for finishing second in a major. The problem is, the way he finished second. He never did anything special all week (except the eagle on 13 which was about a lucky a break as he could have got off that hill), and the miss birdie on 16 was about as un-Tiger as Mickelson. Also, what was up with him bitching at Steve Williams on 17 after he came up like 30 yards short? Umm, don't try to hit sand wedge from 135 maybe? Just a suggestion...

Par 5's - The most exciting part of Augusta was pretty blah until Sunday. Plus, Johnson never went at a single one in two and still made 11 birdies throughout. Got beef?

Ernie Els, Sergio Garcia, Chris Dimarco - Did you guys go to church on Easter Sunday? Saturday picnic? How was the stress-free weekend?

Tight clothing-I think that tight clothes should be strictly for women (Somebody please send that sentence to Justin Rose).

The Butler Cabin Jacket Celebration - Is this not the most awkward exchange in sports? Jim Nantz always makes everything creepy, Phil Mickelson with his shit-eating grin (when you know all he's thinking about is, I hope my pilot has already burned the engines), Johnson thanking Jesus and then the awkward 30 seconds after he has already been fitted with the jacket and everyone is standing around looking to hug somebody. Maybe they should just do this outside like they used to?

Ok, that's about it. I'll have more about the Masters this week as we get ready for the lull-pre-U.S. Open. Everyone get ready for that Azalea hangover.