John Daly, The Maturity Expert

Something I find incredible is how thin people's skin really is. I'm an absolute nobody and get called an idiot at least five times a day in comments around the web, and I couldn't imagine letting that stuff get to me. In life, there are people that are going to like you and people that are going to hate you, and just like sports, if the first column is greater than the second column, you're probably good.

A reporter by the name of Garry Smits recently reviewed John Daly's PGA Tour disciplinary folder to find out the damn thing ran 456 pages (Ed. Note: Thing you don't want? Your bad boy folder to be higher than your driving average), and highlighted some of the key points.

• Daly allegedly also smacked golf balls over the heads of spectators in bleachers at a 1993 golf clinic.
• The PGA Tour ordered Daly to counseling and/or alcohol rehab seven times.
• Daly's first violation came in April 1991 when he cursed out a playing partner; four months later, he would win the PGA Championship.
• Daly was suspended from the Tour in 1994 after getting into a fight with a fellow player after the player accused Daly of hitting into his group during the World Series of Golf.
• Daly was fined a total of nearly $100,000, suspended from the Tour five times, given probation six times, and cited for unprofessional conduct 11 times.

You know, the standard stuff for Daly. It sucks that he did all that, but it is also part of his appeal. So, did Daly take this lightly? Of course he didn't. Big John took to Twitter, publishing Smits' phone number like they are high school Facebook foes, telling followers to call the man and complain.

"here's the JERK who wrote the NON-NEWS article on the debut of my show--Call & tell him how we feel 904-***-**** Gary Smits."

Daly has since taken down the Twitter post, but come on man, you're fucking 43 years old. You are seriously doing this stuff? It is worth your time to go after a guy that is basically doing his job? If you haven't noticed over the years, your antics are what gets the people reading. That is more your fault than ours. We didn't ask you to go to Hooters and pass out, or beat up hotels, or get married and divorced more times than you've hoisted a major championship trophy. You do that type of stuff, people are going to talk about, publicly and privately.

I'm also under the guise that anything Daly related at this point helps his television show, so maybe this is all a joke on us to get his name out there, and people interested in whatever the hell that thing is called on The Golf Channel.

My only hope? That after writing this, Daly doesn't send out my phone number. I don't like the people that call me regularly, and I know most of them.

A Moral Match Play Question for the Masses

This week, I was out on the golf course with a few of the regular guys I golf with. Everyone can play, everyone has ability and everyone can fire a round under par. It's a fun little match that sometimes gets heated, and usually ends with a $10 or $20 being passed between guys.

This match had a moment that was different, and seeing as though I write golf, I figured what better way to figure out the correct resolution than to ask around and see.

We play a Round Robin team game where everyone is a teammate for six holes.

My friend Wes and I were teammates for the first six holes, and after Wes made a 18-footer for birdie on 4 and I made a snake from about 40 feet on 5 for birdie, we were 2-up with one to play. The game allows presses, and the way our competitor rolls, a press is always anticipated.

After the press was called, the two guys hit poor tee shots and were in trouble. One guy ended up in his pocket, the other about 35-feet short of the hole for birdie. Wes, who hit driver up the left side of the short par-4, pitched cooly on to about 10-feet behind the hole, and with our playing partner missing his birdie putt, had a chance to win the press, making it a $20 sweep for the first six hole match.

Here is where the incident occurred. Wes missed the putt, and as it was rolling over the lip, he snapped it away with his putter. The putt wasn't traveling fast at all, and may have rolled a foot and change away from the hole, but Wes wasn't thinking and was pissed he missed the birdie attempt. All three of us had an interesting look on our face. I was rattled enough to miss a 4-footer to save par. The other guy made par, and we went to the next hole with Wes apologizing over and over for his actions.

Now, the putt probably would have been conceded. Like I said, it was barely moving, but nobody really knew the next step. As Wes continually said he'd take a five, and the playing partners saying, "No, no," it seemed that we would tie the press and win the bet, banking $10. When the 18 holes ended, however, the partners asked what we were going to do about that hole.

What do you do? Take the five since you basically picked up without being told the putt was good? Or do you give the guy a four and tell him that it better not happen again?

Any thought is appreciated.

'Yes Dear' is the Nostradamus of the Tiger Woods Scandal

In November of 2005, Tiger Woods was coming off one of his best years ever in the major championships. Two wins, at the Masters and British Open, a second at the U.S. Open and a t-4 at the PGA Championship.

That same year, the television show "Yes Dear" starring some people that I have never heard of had this 16 second clip in one of their shows that eerily predicts the Tiger Woods sex scandals.

Watch and be amazing. Original air date ... November 2, 2005.



The joke is that the man on the left (we will call him Laughtrack) can't keep his mind off sex, and he compares it to "Tiger Woods keeping his mind off sex." The joke (and it's a zinger) is that he meant to say "Tiger Woods keeping his mind off golf!" Get it!!?!

If anything, I can promise you this ... if TIger and Elin were at home watching this show at that time, and that came on the screen, Tiger went cold nervous for about eight seconds until they cut to commercial.

h/t Sports Fellas Twitter

TigerText Will Help Even the Laziest Men Cheat

I get a decent amount of PR junk mail in my inbox. People trying to get me to pitch something about their product or golf course or training aid. Most of the time, I just ignore them (and have fallen in love with the new Deadspin feature, PR Dummies), but it's too bad a company like TigerText didn't try to sell me on their product. I guess they knew that idiots like myself would talk about it anyway.

So, here it is. TigerText is an application for the iPhone that, "allows senders to put a timed delete on messages. It then wipes forever the message from the mobile that sent it, the receiving handset and server."

TigerText founder Jeffrey Evans, who chose the name before the Woods scandal, said: “For the first time, you have complete control over what happens to texts after you hit send."

Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long for an app like this to be invented. After spending time out at the Waste Management this week, and rubbing shoulders with, dare I sare, the "important" people of this particular event, I am convinced that more and more men are sleeping around on their wives than ever.

The app is free (well, for the first 100, $1.49 per 250 texts, and $2.49 per month for unlimited), so if nothing else, download it for a couple of giggles between friends. No word yet if it will pixel out your junk if you are insistent on sexting.

h/t Larry Brown Sports via Sporting Blog

Chalk Up Another Win for Golf Digest

Remember that above cover that appeared in the January issue of Golf Digest, where Tiger Woods was photoshopped giving President Barack Obama some putting advice with the words, "10 tips Obama can take from Tiger?" Yeah, that was just terrible, terrible timing for the golf magazine giant.

This? Well, this was more, "shooting yourself in the foot."

See, GD reported in the April issue that Barack had called Tiger during Bangfest '09 to offer up some advice and kind words to the top golfer in the world. As far fetched as it seems (if news breaks of this, every conservative wife in the world points to this as another reason to hate Obama), they are buddies and friends tend to do stuff like that.

Well, the story wasn't true, which means one of those retractions were in order.

"An article in the April issue of Golf Digest incorrectly reported that President Obama made a personal call to Tiger Woods to offer encouragement," the magazine said in an e-mail sent to media outlets Monday. "Our mistake was due to a misunderstanding between the writer and a trusted source. We regret the error."

Next month's cover story? A John Daly swimsuit issue. I'm stoked!

Screw You, Hunter Mahan

Here is a story absolutely zero golfers can relate to! Oh yeah, it involves a professional golfer and a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. Hooray!

Hunter Mahan, who just won the Waste Management after posting weekend rounds of 65, cracked his driver on the second hole on Sunday. He had a backup driver in his car, and needed to get it before the third hole. Did he send his coach? Nope, not quite. His trainer? Nope. Nutritionist? Mother? Pilot? No, nope and negative. He sent his girlfriend, Kandi Harris (Ed. Note: I have to say, her appeal goes down about 400 percent when you find out her name is spelled candy with a K and an I. If I've learned anything over the years of dating, it is you can't trust a girl with a name that ends with an I. Is this her real name or stripper name?), out to get his backup driver.

"Luckily the rules staff ran her out to the car and she got it and I got it before the next tee shot, which was nice, because the next hole is a par-5," Mahan said. "I really didn't want to hit a 3-wood off the par 5."

"Oh, look at me, famous pro golfer worth millions! What's that, dear caddie? My driver has a blemish on it? No worries, friend, I'll just send Kandi out to the Escalade to pick up the second custom made driver Ping spent days handcrafting."

Whatever. I sure hope on his way home he didn't pull over to help a stranded man with a flat tire, only to find out it was a genie with a lamp. I'd hate for his week to improve at all.

Ian Poulter Was 'Getting Something Off My Face'

A lot of buzz occurred Sunday afternoon when Ian Poulter, the Englishman that dresses like he raided the Jonas Brothers' wardrobe, supposedly gave the fans at 16 the bird after a missed birdie putt.

Well, as you can see from the pictures above, he obviously wasn't. He said so on Twitter. See, here it is.

To address the 16th. great hole, great atmosphere, but I was getting something off of my face, will I play next year. He'll (sic) yes loved it.

See, there was something on his face. So, like anyone, he got it off, and it just so happened to be with his middle finger immediately after a missed birdie putt and a ton of Boos from the crowd. It's happened to us all.

Why can't you just leave the rich Englishman alone, you neanderthals!?!